I am an optimistic by nature and a firm believer that most people are kind and have good intentions. We may reach out to help others, possibly admire them and make polite conversation.
However, human nature is that we will always judge people and make assumptions.
We may be aware of what we are doing. Yet, there are times when we can unconsciously react and don’t even realise it. One example always comes to mind – it’s a story some of you may be familiar with or perhaps can relate to.
Two men go into a top-end car dealership. One man is dressed is in a suit and the other in workman’s overalls. The salespeople flock to the gentleman in the suit; yet ignore the other guy. Interestingly enough, it transpires the man in the overalls is the one who could afford to buy the car. Not the other way around.
I am not sure if it’s a fable or the truth. If it’s real, I reckon the salespeople may not have got the sale that day. I would also like to think the salespeople would not have intentionally ignored the tradesman. Still, it’s a good lesson to learn as it clearly demonstrates a simple point.
As human beings, we are inclined to have preconceived ideas about others and judge before we think.
This example has stuck with me and I often use it in workshops. On one particular occasion, a client asked me to address this exact issue, as it was a real concern for the company. So, I decided to carry out an experiment with the team. I showed the group a number of pictures, asking them to tell me each person’s story and it had interesting results.
- The first image I showed was a close-up of an old man with thick, curly shoulder length hair. He was standing outside wearing a grey woollen hat. His skin looked wrinkled and weather beaten.
- The second photograph was of a neatly dressed man in his 30’s wearing a smart suit, shirt and tie, carrying a brief case. He was standing on the steps of a large corporate building in the city.
- The third photo was of a young woman in what looked like her mid 20’s. She was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans with a backpack, standing in what looked like a park with an old building behind.
It was fascinating to hear their observations. This is what the trainees believed – followed by the reality.
- They thought the old man was possibly homeless or a farmer. He certainly spent time in the outdoors as his skin showed it. Nonetheless, the fact was he was an accomplished explorer and mountaineer. He had also written books.
- The group thought the young man in the suit was a professional coming out of a meeting or office. They were quite surprised to learn that he was actually coming out of court as he was up for fraud.
- For the last picture, the team assumed the girl was a student attending college. In reality she was in her late 20’s / early 30’s. She had finished college and was now an entrepreneur/ business owner of a tech company.
The American Novelist, Terry McMillan once said “If you jump to conclusions, you make terrible landings”. What was most wonderful about this exercise was seeing how quickly the group realised they can jump to conclusions about others.
Wrapping up, they told me that it was an excellent reminder that as humans, we’re not perfect. Yet, they we need to remember to keep an open mind and think before we judge.