If there is one thing I regularly notice - it’s the reaction people have in training when I talk to them about trigger words. These are the phrases guaranteed to annoy people.
It’s fascinating to see the moment of realisation, as they begin to understand how our words can seriously impact on the outcome of our conversations.
We may have good intentions. Yet we become so wrapped up in our own point of view. We focus only on what we want to say, whether this is to answer a question, provide an explanation or even prove a point.
As a result, when we are immersed in the interaction, we don’t stop to think about what we are saying or how we are saying it. Our internal dialogue takes over and it prevents us from paying attention to the other persons reaction.
We really need to stand back more often and pay attention, especially when our conversation takes a wrong turn.
Many of us will use trigger words and not even realise it. They work so well because they tap into people’s emotions rather than creating a rational response.
We may look at a phrase and think it’s not a big deal. Yet, it’s not about what we believe. What’s important is how the other person interprets what we say. Here are three examples for you to consider.
1. "I’ve been too busy / we’re very busy…" - When a customer is looking for help and we use phrases like this, it makes them feel insignificant and unimportant. It is better to apologise and make the excuse tangible about something that is happening within the business rather than ourselves.
Use phrases such as “Apologises for the delay, I have been in a meeting…” Or “I’m sorry our phones have been busy all morning, so I only got a chance to call you now…”
2. "That is not what I am saying" – We need to realise that we are not always as clear in what we are saying as we imagine we are. Also, when a customer is listening to us, they may get confused or misunderstand the message. As a result, we may believe they are twisting our words for their own gain (or being manipulative). And when we respond with this term, they naturally think we are being quite defensive.
It’s best to politely suggest there was a misunderstanding instead. This is where neither party is asked to take the blame using phrases such as “I think there has been a misunderstanding…what we can do / let me explain / perha ps I can suggest …”
3. "We need X; otherwise, we can’t do Y..." – This comes across as a threat to customers. Basically we are saying we won’t do something for the customer unless they do the other thing first. It is the type of behaviour that is often associated with handling children. We come across as inflexible, so the customer feels they are being treated like a child or being held to ransom.
It’s better to use positive language such as “To do Y, we will need X…” Or “If I do X for you…can you do Y for me…”. This way, we appear as working in partnership with the other person and we get better buy-in.